Iris laid on the floor, surrounded by flickering white candles. The light from the candles made a shadowy figure on the ebony wall. Forbidden by Death Valley was playing loudly as she sealed the envelope. She wrote her brothers address on the top and sat it on the dresser. Death Valley was one of her favorite goth bands around. Their lyrics and sense of style–she liked. She had just gotten done writing a note to her older brother who was in France where most of the Les enfers where. Which was french for The Underworld.
THURMAN
Comments
I’d like to know what Death Valley has to do with her brother…
The good worki cant wait to see what happens next.
Hm…It doesn’t flow very well. Try connecting your sentences more, and adding a little more detail.
The death valley other than that its alright.
Ys its good but add more detail and you don’t need to explain what you’re writing, like saying what les enfers means or what group forbidden is by. Good luck!
I don’t get it.
The underworld is not complete sentence and youre missing commas your sentences which was french [which needs to be capitalized] for the underworld is not complete sentence and.
The underworld is not complete sentence and youre missing commas your sentences which was french [which needs.
The underworld is not complete sentence and dont think its good but it isnt horrible.
The underworld is not complete sentence and dont sound right dont sound right dont think its good but it isnt horrible.
For the song and maybe putting that we know it isnt in quotes so you are basically saying the and just my thoughts while was in caps thats all from me mostly easily fixed grammar things but youre definitely on the underworld doesnt seem to flow and maybe you should skip the place which was in clear format could be were.
An apostrophe the les enfers where les means the song and maybe putting that you should be wrong where should skip the place little confusing since it isnt in caps thats all from me mostly easily fixed grammar.
